Mediocrity

“I speak for all mediocrities in the world. I am their champion. I am their patron saint. On their behalf I deny Him, your God of no mercy. Your God who tortures men with longings they can never fulfill. He may forgive me: I shall never forgive Him.” Antonio Salieri in Amadeus

Why have I always realized that the back wall of the problems I face usually lies in Mediocrity?
Perhaps because I’ve always seen it as the major negative force that drives people to jealousy, hatred and even wars. I’ve seen that problems usually arise from those mediocre minds either because they have came into power and trying to make up for all the time gone that people looked down upon them, yet deep down, they know how mediocre they are. This turns them to wear masks of power, evil, ego, status, class, money, and you name it, many others. Each mask abuses the other mask and sometimes they are worn interchangeably. Look today at anyone who is causing a problem, it would usually integrate at the end to someone trying hard to cover up for their mediocrity. I’ve met very rich, educated and powerful men, who were so mediocre and very poor, illiterate and peaceful others who were very extraordinary. The continuum is full in the middle between those two extremities. Sometimes, the masks join together to create a mass of mediocre destruction thinking that a collective movement of whatsoever cures their mediocrity.
As Copernicus said about his Mediocrity Principle, “the Earth is not in a central, specially favoured position”. I think we can remove “the Earth” and put “I, You”…and it would be the real mere reality that all is scared to face it; “I am not in a central, specially favoured position”… Reflecting cosmologically further on who is the central, specially favoured position, I came up with a modified similar answer of Copernicus who said that the Sun is the central.
The Sun or the Son?
It is the Son…
He is in the central, specially favoured position…
He is the cure to our all mediocrities.
Living with the Son turns us from mediocre minds to being the center of His universe.
The Earth is not mediocre because it is part of the Sun’s Galaxy.
You are not mediocre because you are part of the Son’s Universe.
That should remind you that Mediocrity is a Sin…

How Can I Keep from Singing?

In abstract existence of time and place, is where I’ve always dreamt to be…
There I was in CNR (National Center for Research) in Rome, working on my PhD project up until 10 pm totally alone in the laboratory. Everybody had left, and I had so much work to prepare for the next morning. I sat replying to emails for the research of my Sinai assignment and many other things. There I was where I’ve always envisioned myself, doing what I really love. Despite, the many D-tours, the pain, the struggle, the let downs, the hurts, the disappointments, I still made it. It isn’t a big bang or achieving a certain goal in specific that made me feel that way…it was this subtle feeling, that I only saw because it related to my own self vision. There I was, again trapped in time…seeing myself in the story I dreamt for myself, yet written with the Hands of the Master Writer. He took my heart desires, made me work really hard for it, and gave it to me with all the attachments of Peace, Love, Friendship and Happiness. He gave me the fairy tale I’ve always dreamt of in my heart. I felt as a Hollywood star who the best directors work for creating movies just for them, but not just a role in a story…their very own biography to act…
There I am sitting on top of the mountain ‘Montelibretti’ totally alone in the archaeological virtual lab in the terribly cold weather…yet felt so much the warmth of His Peace…and so I rejoice and say, ‘How can I keep from singing?’…

Skeuomorph: a Moment Trapped in Time…

It was another painful day, running between offices with a bandaged arm trying to finish paper work. Despite how sunny and beautiful was the morning that day, I could not stand a second to enjoy or appreciate it. I was on a mission impossible to get through with Italian red tape. Too many things going on, too many variables, too many changes, that I could not take one at a time…

Just when I was going up to the staircase of one of the university’s buildings, someone was playing the piano; I think it was the Pachelbel’s canon for Bach. At that moment, I felt that the time stopped. All the clocks in the world stopped, it was just me and the music in the middle of the extreme madness of life…At that moment outside of the window on the staircase, a feather was going down slowly as if dancing on the music being played. At that moment, it felt the world has stopped just to smile back at me. It felt so peaceful, as an aquarelle drawing of a serene peaceful spring sunset. That moment felt like eternity, like a black and white photograph for Brassaï that hanged on a wall for years or a Christmas crystal snowball where nothing changes inside…It was as if watching myself in a movie being played and not realizing that I was the main protagonist. The feather kept on dancing, the music kept on playing and I standing in the middle and consciously aware of me at the scene being played.

After spending an eternal moment in that scene of an abstract existence, the clock started ticking back. Just like another moment, but I was no longer the same person the moment before. Something in me was changed for good; only then, I saw the reality of my reality…

Just Leafed

You find yourself like a dried Leaf pushed by the Wind, one day high up, and the other crushed under the shoes of the careless. You left your Tree because there was no longer any water reaching your branch, it went faint, dry, and then it got broken. It fell on the ground then after a few days, you that very tiny Leaf was pushed by the Wind to where angels fear to tread…
When the Wind blew hard, you just lamented the days you had those beautiful dreams of becoming a Tree yourself, baring the fruits that were so beautiful to imagine. You can still close your eyes and think of yourself as a beautiful tree with birds singing on every single branch that you have. You never wanted to leave Tree, yet it was the one that sent you away. Sometimes, when you are being pushed so hard by Wind or crushed by the brand new pair of red shoes, you just blame that lazy Tree, which never took care of the beautiful Leaf attached to the most beautiful flower right on top. Sometimes as a Leaf, you just accuse Tree of being jealous of your vibrant green because it was so old and attached to the ground, while you beautiful Leaf had Wind cuddle you and the butterflies kiss you. Even though you badly miss your Tree, yet you know you cannot go back there, the harm was already done since the day Tree sent you away by the beginning of Spring.
Then as a Leaf, you had to learn to survive, you had to just make it. At first, as a Leaf you start enjoying the beautiful level of freedom, you see plenty of places that you would have never been able to see being attached to that old Tree. You start enjoying Wind, and how it lifts you and how every time it takes you to a new place, a new territory with more learning and more experience….You begin to realize that you are no longer that silly crying Leaf. You are enjoying ultimate freedom; you and Wind become intimate friends.
Suddenly you come to realize that it was not Tree that let you go, it was Wind who wanted to take you along. Wind was invisible, but he wanted you poor Leaf to manifest its power, to be seen whenever it blows and pushes you up high so you reach much higher levels that what Tree could have ever grown into. Your life as a Leaf reaches the point of no return.
Sometimes you remember that old grim Tree and reflect to find that Tree was just the illusion and the Wind was the reality…
You fall in eternal love for Wind and trust it with your life, and you no longer worry about your old dreams, because all the promises of Wind seems to be much more fulfilling than your own. You can no longer separate yourself from Wind; you just become one and tomorrow is just in Wind’s mind.

Where is home?

Me: I have finally got the keys to the department!
Paolo: So, are you finally starting to feel at home?

Sigh, home!
Home is miles away! Home is where we have pyramids, temples, and the Nile…Home is the taste of my mother’s beautiful cooking, home is the smell of tea with mint, home is sitting in the main campus writing emails to the world. Home is the choir every Friday, and St. Marc beautiful church. Home is driving three hours just to make it to the office to realize that the early meeting got cancelled. Home is where dear old friends are who no counterparts can be found. Home is where all memories come from, whether good or bad, they still feel like home. Home is where I can laugh for hours with my brothers just over nonsense and it feels like nothing to be compared to. Home is my father reading the newspapers in the morning and drinking his sugarless tea, while grandma is on the phone. Home is breakfast at Makani or Korba with best friends. Home is crossing Tahrir square saying the psalms knowing that I might never make it back, yet it still feels home. Spring at home, is always filled with Khamaseen wind, but still is spring at home. Home is a driveway from the Memphite Necropolis, where all the history comes from… Home is a few hours from Sinai, where one can get lost in a different world, but it feels more like home than anywhere else.

During classes, I always look at maps hung on walls, looking for Egypt, looking for home. Whenever a slide comes of a scene of a tomb in Saqqara or the landscape of the Nile, I take a deep breath, because it partially fills that un-fulfillable longing for home…
It is only now that I understood what the Pope has said, that Egypt is not a home that we live in, but a home that lives in us.

No wonder Moses saw God

Diaries of a traveler…

Day 1

‘Cos we’re all made of starts…the minute I was listening to Moby’s track, we were just entering el-Tor. The mountains started to close like an envelope on the route…It was so beautiful, so magical, and the sun was getting weaker, and so the shades and colours of the mountain were being transformed to a piece of art.

We got off right on the entry road of St. Catherine’s monastery…it was about 7 pm. The weather was beautiful, neither cold nor hot, but very dry. We walked to the monastery in disbelief of the scenes, passing by a Bedouin Cemetery. I remember commenting that where else would I want to be buried. The mountains with the shadow of the sunset were sending us the warmest welcome message one can ever dream of. I remember the comment of a dear friend saying, ‘this is extreme resolution.’

We reached the monastery, disembarked our backpacks, and went for some nourishment in the monastery’s restaurant. Then it was time for tea and coffee, and thinking of loved ones as well as listening to the magical guitar. As the stars started to peak in our sky it signaled that it was time for us to start our eternal hike.

Slowly we started hiking, after being chased by camels for a while…then we started seeing shooting starts…Oh God…it was the second shooting star I see since I was 15. Then that night we ended up seeing more than 20 shooting stars. We used to rest, catch a breath and star gaze…I saw the big dipper, Orion, and the Milky way…Millions of starts appeared on our sky. I looked at the sky in disbelief.

On the way up, we saw a huge shooting star that at first thought to be a wrong missile aimed at us, a huge blaze across the sky spreading loads of good luck.

We rested before the famous 750 steps near a fire, stargazing and listening to the magical guitar. At this point, it was getting too cold, and soon we started the eternal steps. We finally reached the peak, cold and tired. We rested at an angle from the sunrise that still had 2 hours go to. We all sat beside each other for warmth, share stories and listen to the magical guitar. The sun seemed to have taken eternity to come out. The moon came out then, and the Sirus star was seen signaling the Nile inundation is soon. A friend reminded me of how Nut goes through labour all night to deliver baby Khepri.

The sun was finally up, slowly but surely. The moon and the Sirus were fading away.

Day 2

Going down the mountain was a long trip especially going down using the monk’s trail. It is a lot more beautiful than the normal track, but very dangerous. We used to stop, appreciate the beauty of it, listen to the magical guitar, and then continue. The July heat was taking away the cold chills of the mountain peak. The mountain there feels like a home to the strangers, that each part of it hides a secret of a memory of each person. It is like a grandfather of so many children with so many stories. There, even when the magical guitar stopped…I started to hear music…music that I did not listen to through my ears, but through my heart. It satisfied such un-fulfill able longing in my heart a longing that I felt its ache since a very long time. This earth music cannot be described through words, but must be experienced there. No wonder Moses saw God on this mountain, the nature speaks the melody of the greatest composer and is only heard in each one’s heart.

When this first earth symphony was finished, we reached the monastery before noon, and then headed to the Eco-Lodge. After a long drive, and I am being half asleep most of the way, and care for by loved ones.

We made it there…just an oasis in the middle of now where.

No electricity, no mobiles, nothing…just humans, animals, desert plants and rocks.

We slept from the sheer exhaustion on Bedouin beds…it was hot, but we were so tired…

We woke up again before sunset; we could not miss the beauty sleeping. We saw an archaeological site, climbed a rocky hill to watch sunset…

Oh Lord! What a beautiful painting…the master artist…combined earth music with heavenly colours…beyond description.

There I felt, I saw God…His powerful, beautiful, gentle manifestation was beyond human perception. I was experiencing the divine at that moment…

Evening came, after having a beautiful, healthy Bedouin dinner. We took tea sitting under the shelter of millions of stars…

That night I saw the Scorpio Constellation, and most of the stuff I saw the day before.

The magical guitar, the best fellowship, the painted sky, the beautiful tea…was one of the best evenings in my entire life.

We went to sleep as late as we could open our eyes…Our beautiful small rooms; lighted by candles were our shelter along with some other creatures for a few hours.

Sadly, dawn came, and it was time for us to depart Grey Heavens, to come back to the real world…

We sat at the porch looking at the moon and the morning star (Venus)…savoring every moment we could get…

It was time for us to catch our bus…and so we greeted 3am Gamil (the host Bedouin) who really is a beautiful person.

We made it to the bus, and I kept closing my eyes all the way, not because I was sleepy, but because I wanted to keep looking at the scenes stored at my memory for the longest possible period.

Today when I went to Dr. Fathi’s office and saw a specimen of manganese of mount Moses…I just could not handle but daydream of my days there. As soon I was not to be seen, I closed my eyes and recalled all the magical time I spent there…

I wrote these diaries, to always remind me of where a piece of my heart lies…

Touched by an Angel

Today, I got out on the wrong side of the bed. Everything in my day went backwards. Bad teaching experience, while my supervisor was attending, not getting assignments on time, peer pressure (can't help being the youngest everywhere), and all sorts of things that went wrong. Finally, I stayed with my 102 students to do the 'essay clinic' because their midterm evaluation is close. I had to fix terrible paragraphs and comfort frightened students. I had to give them a lot of confidence of which I lacked. I have been there and I made it, and so that is what I kept on telling them…I made it through, and now I am teaching you.
I had all sorts of other things at the back of mind, including my falling apart thesis and late essays that needs to be written, my school's centenary preparation, missing terribly the choir, friends that are angry with me because I've been awfully busy, my lectureship professor who is angry with me because I just didn't notice him at the elevator the other day while talking over the phone to sort out a problem at work, my infinite to do list, my sick 3 year old cousin, my work at Cultnat and the research that I still didn't finish for this week, and being not able to lent as I would have wanted. All this was going through my head, for a while I forgot about who is in control of my day.
As it was approaching 5:30 pm, after 3 hours of conferencing I was finally waiting for the last student to check her rewritten paragraph. I found her approaching me with a big smile, and she got me a cheesecake and told me that she felt that I would need it. Although, I could not accept it because of my lent, but she gave me something a lot more valuable than a cheesecake. Her very little, kind and thoughtful act reached right through my heart and made me feel that God was just sending me a great comforting message. I tried hard to hide my eyes swelling with tears. I was greatly touched, and felt that this clear beautiful message was sent to me through this little angel. I had positive energy that could have kept me fixing essays for a week and I left school feeling not so bad about my day, reminding myself of who is control at the end of the day….
Today, I've been touched by a smiley angel…